Principles yield no interest at any rate..

If you ever try to assess the words that draw the most sarcasm, I’m sure after ‘Just Friends’ the word that draws most snigger would be ‘Principle’. I mean, its not that people don’t believe it, but just that they can’t stop rolling eyes whenever someone utters these.

And believe me it is overrated too. a couple of months back when I was conversing with a certain person of the opposite sex with no obvious purpose, the topic of drinks came up. She blatantly asked how often do I get drunk with a puff of smoke all around and make a fool out of myself. In all honesty I said “I am a teetotaler, vegetarian(irrelevant) and a non smoker. But ya I don’t need external agents to make a fool out of myself [grin] I’m eternally intoxicated [wink]”. And she had to say this “Oh! Why? Principles huh? [wink, grin]”.I had met her an hour before and there she was asking me the one question I’ve been tweaking the answer to since my school days. After a “Naah. Just to have something to brag about. Heard it is a great line that women fall for[Grin]” “[Giggle] [giggle]” and half hour of chatter, I subconsciously made a note to try to avoid that question at all cost.

Now, I’m not saying I’m not proud of it nor am I gonna canvas against these stuff. It’s quite simply a matter of choice and I don’t want to discuss it as such. But the idea of what to do and what not to do, should it be labeled as principles? For example, will Sidhu label speaking normal English, against his principles? I think it should be called something on the lines of “Whatever I want to do” or something.

Anyways, it too has a downside. Some time back I went to a bar with my friends and while they were busy selecting stuff to order from a really impressive menu, I very confidently turned it to the last page for the lighter stuff. (Wonder why all the non-alcoholic stuff is prefixed with a ‘virgin’ while the opposite of it is ‘bloody’?) To the bearer I confidently said “one Virgin Piccola” and he blinked to assess if I was serious. Only after my friends ordered something did he heave a sigh of relief and went in with a shake of his head. After that he went all out to insult. That thing I got was adorned with an umbrella, cherries and fruits on the side of the glass, much to my company’s delight. (jackasses)

What makes me go through with all this and still hold dear certain self imposed restrictions despite having nothing against it? I mean if I were against it morally, I would be trying to dissuade my friends’ right? (which ppl claim I did initially). After some serious thought, I realized these are reassurances that I’m in control of my actions. After seeing my close friends and relatives who have been trying to give up smoking or a friend of mine who has been trying to rid of booze only to end up getting drunk time and again, I guess its more of a whim to take control.

As if to reiterate the fact, I can’t think of one rationale reason for me deciding to lay off ice-cream for the past 4 months or a silly bet after which I decided to stop coffee (I couldn’t start my day without it). As the guy in ‘Wanted’ movie says : “This is me taking control of my life” and to that add “Just to garner my ego” Guess the strip below is relevant :D

(click to enlarge)

Oh and just to do away with a misconception: I was told that, apparently women (atleast down south) would want the guy to be addicted to any of the so called ‘vices’ so that they can take the credit of ‘changing’ them! God save us men!

This is kind of dedicated to a friend who can’t stand people who smoke or drink and still was curious how I never tried it.

A Tonsured head and a bag full of Ideas

Well, the term in the title means clean shaven. I could have used that, but again, a new term I confused with ‘tarnished’, I got to use. I learnt this word at the centre where I saw Dhoni look alikes going in and coming out looking like Viru. And yes, I got my head tonsured at tirupati (though I must admit I would have done it at the saloon if this didn’t come along).

Right from the minute I got it done, I could have easily started a new hobby – collecting wise-ass comments from my jackass buddies(?). Ranging from ridiculous comparisons to plain indifference (ouch), people have been really forthcoming with their opinions. And me, I generally beat them to the punch with my own comments.

However what I can’t quite understand is the questions framed by those who are just acquainted. I mean why would people ask “What happened?!” What do they expect me to say? Lets say I beat nature to it (not by as big a margin as I would have liked though). My friend suggested I answer with “Its autumn!!”

Anyhow, the fact is I’ve been quite enjoying the new look. Not to mention the time saved in front of the mirror trying to solve the problems of surface area coverage with data insufficiency constraints (cough). Plus the best part has been things I can do and the immense pleasure I draw in irritating people.

The following is the list of things I’ve done / plan to do to unsuspecting people. Given it SOME thought haven’t I?!) :D

-> Start searching frantically around the place when people are around. When asked what I’m searching for, say “I seem to have lost my comb”

->In meetings or discussion make eye contact with the person who is speaking and blow off my imaginary wisp of hair falling over my eyes. This usually gets them to start stuttering.

->Whenever in elevators with mirrored doors or passing parked vehicles with people you know, stop to adjust my hair.

->Interrupt a really busy coworker and with all seriousness ask for a favor. When they grudgingly ask what, ask if they can suggest a good conditioner for my hair

->In all general conversations make references to old sayings and aphorisms that involve hair. My favorite is a tamil one which when translated into English goes something like – “Its like dragging the mountain, tying it to your hair. If you succeed it’s the mountain you’ve got else you’ve just lost a hair” (spoilt it with the translation)

->Take along a friend for shopping and spend long time in buying a comb or choosing hair oil and shampoo.

->Suddenly register a horrified expression on the face and ask people “What happened to my hair?!?!”

->In shampoo brand webpages or forums, post my new pic and say ‘xyz’ shampoo is responsible for my awesome hair.

->Use a hair dryer for long time and when people get bugged and ask me to stop, look really offended.

Now the list is not exhaustive mind you, but covers my immediate list from which I’ve tried around 60% with varying levels of success.

Here I’m signing off to get back to what I should be doing. Adios.

Random Musing

I’m bored. Not the I-Have-nothing-better-to-do bored nor is it the am-watching-jodha-akbar-the-2nd-time bored. I simply feel “Why the heck am I doing what I’m doing and why the hell is something better so not fun” feeling.

So I think I’ll kind of update a few minor highlights in my life and give my opinion on a few irrelevant topics to cheer myself up.

I conducted 3 telephonic interviews in one day! It probably doesn’t seem a big deal, but to me, I was all grins when I was asked if I could. All 3, more experienced than me and I had to do a screening on skill set which for some odd reason, they believe I have. When my TL asked me if I can, I managed a “ok, I’ll see if I am free” while inside I was all like “Buwahahaha”! I did my homework – Roadies auditions on youtube and a whole lot of Dilbert [:D]! They say power corrupts - but hey, I’m above that!! (Buwahahaha)

Attended a time management training. Sounds lame? I thought so too. But it was surprisingly good. Had a few takeaways from it and now I find myself having time for work amidst reading blogs and donating rice for the needy at freerice.com :D. But ya, kind of resonated with the sentiments on work life balance and resolved to take time off to bridge ties and save bonds across.

Which brings me to my Public relations part. Not that I’m competing for any popularity contest, but if I were, I would have been screamed at by really rude judges which would have got media coverage on Times now for 2 whole days! I’ve been quite preoccupied lately. Meaning my social life is akin to E-Coli – in deep shit. The realization came when I pinged a real good friend of mine on gchat [After some 3 weeks of seeing her online, I pinged her in invisible mode] and realised she was in US and about to be married! Vaguely remembered a call while I was in a telecon that I cut and a mail asking for my current number that i didn't reply to [Am really sorry re. Congratulations]. After that harsh awakening, [where i was virtually screamed at after the initial pleasantaries] I’ve decided to take the initiative and call people once in a while.

I got a dog back home. Binny – a cross of spitz. He kind is of the opinion its fun to lick me awake at ungodly hours and get screamed at. Blame it partly on the pampering he gets around the house. Amazing distraction. Too bad I get to spend time with him only every second weekend. But nice to know someone gets all happy to see you and can’t wait to jump on you and welcome you. I mean, of course, I wouldn’t want people jumping on me to welcome me and definitely no licking!!! A smile is sufficient :)

Watched a couple of good movies recently. Wednesday was too good and the tamil movie Saroja was fun. In addition rewatched the Dark Knight some 4 times [it’s the best movie of all times in my opinion].

I have some 3 unfinished blogs still on my system. [one of which is pretty damaging to a friend(??) of mine :P] Am one of those strange people who gets writer’s block in the middle of a piece! That’s why shelved anything subjective and just randomly musing.

That’s it for now. Feeling better already and actually a report I’m supposed to be working on beckons.

Adios! Have fun and God bless.

Slaves of Time

Note: This post is yet another attempt at variety.

Late into the night. The waning moon hides her disfigured face behind the clueless clouds. The nomadic clouds drift away doing their business of being oblivious to the moon’s sadness or for that matter the entire cosmos.

A new blade of grass, that came into the world with so much expectation, now unable to stand the stillness lazily stoops over to make small talk with the other blades. Out of nowhere he feels himself being lifted by the winter breeze. Breeze, laden with moisture, carrying the fragrance of the distant buds that will bloom in a few hours and the cricks of the noisy crickets. The sudden bout of freshness lifts his spirits and he lets himself be swayed and caressed surrendering to the gentle breeze. Minutes of pure bliss pass and the breeze moves on to rouse the spirits elsewhere. The blade of grass recovering from the intoxication, realizes the presence that had not been there before.

A small droplet of moisture has been carelessly dropped onto his arm and there she was coy and demure, balled up in the presence of a stranger. The moon seems to have come out to wail out her loneliness in the vast expanse, and a few rays from the moon seemed to glisten through the new dew drop. He is fascinated. It feels so fresh, so exhilarating. He watches in bemusement as she lies there still scared and not wanting to know him further like in her own bubble.

He decides to make the first move. He closes the blade just a tad so he could encompass her on all sides. Startled, she moves down leaving a small trail that catches up with her and she ends up as a trembling drop away from his closing lamina. He recoils and immediately withdraws his closure move and spreads out to give her all the space she wanted. He feels like an idiot and is too embarrassed by his actions. Let her be he says to himself and tries to ignore her presence while all the while making sure he doesn’t sway so much to lose his visitor.

An hour passes. The breeze revisits and this time the grass is not excited but scared that he might lose possession. He could feel her shiver and this time she lets him encompass when he tried to cover her. He holds on to her against the breeze. The breeze seemed to hold no interest, none whatsoever in his possession and passes after dutifully gathering a few dust particles.

In the ensuing stillness he can feel the change in his visitor. She seems to relax and in doing so leans over him. He’s tickled with excitement. The other blades seemed to grow greener with envy. He is elated. Love is in the air. She smiles and after her initial inhibitions snuggles up into his arms. All world seems to grow insignificant for the pair and there they are drenched in peals of laughter sharing unadulterated love. In what seems to them like seconds passes hours. The dawn creeps up at the horizon.

The new lovers seemed to feel a bit uneasy at the brightness that shrouded them from the darkness that strangely felt like bliss. The sun comes over the horizon dutifully spreading his glow. The dew drop shivers and glistens at the same time. Her lover tries to protect her by drawing her closer. Its just a matter of minutes before the clinically efficient sun reaches for her. The blade of grass feels impotent. He could feel her clinging to him more trying to fight off the rays of sun, refracting the white light into the rainbow colors. Unperturbed, the rays keep soaking them and soon the inevitability of the fate strikes the lovers. Far in the distance a cuckoo bird sings in joy thanking the sun for his presence.

Minutes and seconds seemed much more significant than the eternity that they pledged their love for. The pair plead, try to reason all to a deaf agent of time. A slave who does his work loyally and clinically before he’s sent drowning into the ocean. In an hour she evaporates into thin air. The grass unable to bear the loss shies away and with a droop gathers dust. As the sun shines on through the rest of the day the grass weakens and tans and gets trampled and in pain does its duty of existence hoping that the same agents of time would bring him back her love.

A new day. Few broken dreams. A hundred new promises. And thus continues the cycle of life. Driven by time - the master.

Spitsville!

I’m not exactly the type of person who stands nose to nose with someone I don’t agree with, with veins throbbing in my neck and make threatening statements.(What with the blubber accumulated, the nurses use me as pincushion before they can find a vein during blood donation camps) For such a peaceful person, something that can make me want to thrash the living daylights out of someone – I have discovered.

Now, when we were taught biology in 9th standard, most attention was spent on the Life process 2 chapter (expectedly). Somewhere in the chapter they were talking of the endocrine glands and stuff which I can’t remember exactly. But I’m sure nowhere was it mentioned secretions by a gland can obfuscate something as trivial as common sense! I mean, what factor in the www can make some [unprintable profanity] to spit from a vehicle in a traffic signal (moving bus even worse)?!

This is NOT a sad story of being painted and then me cribbing here. Cos I have no doubts had that ever happened I would have been currently in a police station pleading guilty to manslaughter. This post is a product of utter disgust at the thought that some have such an urge to spread their work as if its their purpose of existence.

I know people like that are almost everywhere. It even includes a few relatives and friends of mine. When I asked a friend of mine, why the F did he keep doing that, he was a bit embarrassed and after mutually exchanging sorries, it didn’t happen in my presence. He still does that I hear. Now this made me wonder how this habit(?) must have even come into existence or how do they convince themselves its not disgusting.

Come on people, a sense of civic hygiene can’t be acquired on being told. And its not a question of being taught in classrooms or at home. You just need to think if you would like to be at the other end of your actions. Its not rocket science!

In the end, this is not something I can do much about but express my concern and anger. If probably we put a fine for these people, it might reduce it a bit (and result in the class of Mercedes drivers who open the window to do the same.). Maybe trips to foreign localities might bring in some amount of shame. But ya that’s a maybe again.

Even if we get inspired by Titanic and get spitting into the Olympics (Cos we have chance for a few more golds), still a big no to spitting on the roads or in public places.

I could have spoken about related civic evils, but then I think this will be a sample candidate of that set.

Other than that, all the best to India in SL. And congratulations to our Olympic heroes who have done our country proud.
Adios!

Care for Droppings?

Probably there’s nothing new with your professional jargon seeping into your day to day vocabulary. I mean it’s the most natural thing. So if you are gonna list taking bath as an ‘action item’ I’m not going to mock you. But engineers, they are a bit different from the rest of the lot. No I’m not saying we terms drop (which we do), but even the intended audience won’t figure out what in the www are we talking about. For the sake of saving time on analogies I’d like to call these technical ramblings – ‘Droppings’.

Now let me tell you I’m not talking about the nerdy type portrayed in sitcoms like the big bang theory. I’m talking about the weasels (Read Dilbert) who thoroughly enjoy your expression of bewilderment that is brought about by a flurry of technical terms that have as much relevance with each other as Himesh has with acting. I confess I’m heavily influenced by the Dilbert books I’ve been reading, but that has only made me put the obvious truth into words.

Now, as someone who has a reputation of doing just the same (sample here), I think I’ll let you in on the secrets of effective Droppings. First lets identify the scenarios wherein you might need to resort to dropping.

Scenario 1: Status reports

Any status report meeting, simplicity is a vice. When it’s a question of explaining your screw up or in the rare case of exaggerating your accomplishments, it always serves well to make it complex. Remember, there are people who might see through your bluff and hence never commit yourself.
Eg:
U: “We are 2 days behind schedule. The modules on interoperability of the interface and making the tool vendor independent would require more analysis”
Him: “The what? Where did that even come into the picture?”
U: “I made it a point of analysis to ensure the power ratings and latency related problems of the vendors do not hamper the performance of our tool. For this we need to collect the tech specification from the diff vendors and ensure there’s no anamoly”
If you thought any of it is supposed to make sense – think again! By the time the other person recovers from the shock, you are free to get back to your browsing.

Scenario 2: Project documentation (Applicable to college students as well)

Well this is one lesson that is taught in college. A project report is something everyone demands but no one reads. But keep it in mind that everyone wants to pretend they are going through and hence point out some spelling mistake or the other.
Droppings here must comprise of abbreviations and if engineering project, a lot of greek alphabets. You might as well add telugu and tamil alphabets to emphasize it’s a genuine work. They always look nice in reports.
Abbreviations – make them up as much as you can and you can always say you’ve listed it in the look up table. In fact this works in status reports as well. You can always christen stuff like “That Icky Gooey Stuff” as TIGS and expand it later as some Thermally Insulated Gallium Silicide. (a 50-50 chance that something of that name actually exists!) Mathematically, 26P4 + 26P3 possibilities for conjuring your own 4 letter and 3 letter Abbreviations!
Next year some lazy junior is gonna take up your project work for reuse and by the time he figures out he’s been heavily loaded with droppings, his project reports would be spiral bound and hence your legacy will be carried on.
(Ya Its ok, you can mention me in acknowledgement and this blog in your bibliography)

Scenario 3: Code Red Scenarios

Ok, this is when you are in deep shit like having to explain what caused the system to crash. What’s different from the earlier scenarios is that here you better pray you can get away with it.
In such scenarios try to be highly generic. Use words like ‘possibly’, ‘probably’, ‘may’ every sentence and then use not more than 3 technical words a sentence. Preferably, try to get it right.
Eg: If your application had crashed while you were playing online Halo on your laptop, truth can crucify you. But for any chance of salvation you need to report accurate data. “While testing for performance of the tool when running a graphic intensive application over the web server, the system performance possibly deteriorated due to memory constrains of the processor”
Hurts no one, but talk about the weather if you are asked to repeat this [;)]

Scenario 4: Blip in the Radar

If you find two guys in an animated discussion of something too technical with grins and lols between each statement, the chances are high that they are talking about something so trivial. If you look around, you might find the triviality not too far from them.
This topic I can’t explain with too many details, but I can tell you this works like a charm. If you actually got what point I’m driving at, the chances are you don’t need any more explanation [:D]
If you don’t, ignore them as jackasses and get on with your work.

Scenario 5: For the heck of it

This is the ultimate human nature. Men (and women) play for reactions. And nothing more gratifying than a “Oh Shit!” expression for a performer. I mean you can’t get expression of awe and appreciation without working and hell, like someone wants to do that! Easier way out. Doesn’t it explain the hordes of PJ cracking smart asses that you find at every nook and corner?

So, the next time you are subjected to droppings from an engineer, stop trying to make sense out of it. If you were to get it, they’ll put it in simpler words :) On the contrary if you are an engineer and practicing the philo, cheers to us!

After reading Dilbert and of course seeing a few of my friends struggle, I realized things could have been worse. So here’s a word of thanks to my team and my TL here for making a life lot easier. (Touchwood)

PDA - Public Display of Absurdity

Popular belief is that with time and usage, your command over a language strengthens. But in my case, the reverse seems to be happening. No, this is not one of those self depreciating statements that expect reassurances from various corners. It’s a realization comforted by the fact that I’m at least slightly better than the commentary team of Set Max and IPL!

Before I go into my English, let me make fun of the IPL commentators. If I go down, I take them down with me. [:D] Probably we are partly responsible for a slightly perversive interpretation skills garnered by endless tirade of Two and a half men (there goes 2 of the 3 words that is interpreted as my “command” over English), but come on!! It can’t be just me.

When Rohan Jadeja took a catch at long off without moving from his place during the finals of the IPL Rameez Raja had this to say. “I can’t understand it. The young fielder totally doesn’t seem to be turned on by the ball in the air!!” (Well, no comments) There are almost a fifty other instances just in the semifinals and the finals (which I watched from start till end) when I wondered how stupid they will feel if it was played back to them.

And what was Ajay Jadeja blabbering all through the extra innings?!! If he had gotten two sentences in succession right, either factually or grammatically, I’m sure I must have missed the show.

If you remember from my earlier blogs (or you’ve heard me tell), I’m the party focal for my team. And of the strong opinion everyone has the right to make a complete fool out of oneself and I exercise every bit of it during these parties. But of late I find myself stopping in mid sentence, even before the punch line of an anecdote, cos I’m not sure about the grammar! Well Hindi, its kind of understandable since I am not still sure of the ki and ka and the ling concept is something that always make me stick to English. But when a reputation of “Talks a lot!!” is at stake, my incomplete sentences and occasional spells of silence are raising a few brows.

While I was trying to come to terms with the fact the instantaneous PJ’s end up being grammatically wrong (which I immediately correct and must stop doing), I kind of sought precedence to PDA(public Display of Absurdity). And these are my findings:

· Navjot Singh Sidhu, immaterial of the fact that he is uttering utter bullshit, says it with all that much confidence that its now termed Sidhuism. Probably a pointer there. (‘uttering utter bullshit’! How about that!)
· Banglore movie posters carry English that might make Wren and Martin perform a Ballet in their graves with occasional effects of banging their heads in the tombstone.
· The panel of commentators in Neo Sports and Set Max as elucidated with examples before.
· The Parliament sessions with the entire lot in whose hands rests the wellbeing of this mighty nation.

Basically, I could include a few more specific examples that might land me in soup (would that make me a crumb?). I’m not alone. Not the elite I agree, but nevertheless popular enough to be comforting. So here I’m better off than what I started with.

PS: For those of you, who understood what I was trying to do here, I have something to say – Sogar ich bekam es nicht :)

Adios.
Afterword: Ever notice how the title of the blog somehow never gives away the content? :D No nothing to it, just an observation.

Where's the balance?

With people writing articles that are supposed to create an impact on the way we perceive things, I got into thinking, I must write about something that affected me in recent times. But then I realized there was nothing glamorous or ground breaking about common cold. So I decided not to pursue that thought further. [cough]

So I sat there with Rs30 worth Kleenex packet [for reasons I decided not to pursue earlier] talking to my friend on phone. She was all charged up narrating some incident in a pitch that would make glass shatter [it’s the frequency right?]. Apparently an auto driver had got her to her home through a longer route, so instead of the usual Rs15, the meter read Rs18. When asked the auto driver got really hurt and emotionally troubled and so decided to elucidate how cheap she was and pointed out she was the one earning a hefty pay check! My normally docile pal had shouted “SO???” so loud that the communist party prepared for a bandh and Ramadoss prepared to start a procession to support the oppressed.

At this point I had to intervene, for, unwittingly she had started using words in hindi (that had to do with a few animals and social life of the auto wala’s family members) that I had not heard even from my Mumbai and Bengali roomies! So after I calmed her down and promised that karma will prevail and the 3rs will make its way back to her at all cost and bid her good night, I started thinking (ya I did).

Though the auto wala had no right in arguing, wasn’t he used to being not questioned? I mean most people nowadays wouldn’t have thought a sec about giving a twenty rupee note and wouldn’t have asked for the change!! Now the economic class in our country has undergone a major makeover from what it was some ten years back. Now you see malls and supermarkets and lounges where the economic group comprising the IT sector throw away money without once thinking if its actually worth it. So where are the ppl who put the monthly budget and bargain 50 paise on ½ kg atta? Sadly, they too mingle in the same crowd and are the most affected by actions of the careless lot.

Let me explain. A typical employee in a IT company if unmarried (or married for a long time), spends around 12 hours a day in the company that include lunch and in a few cases the breakfast and dinner too. Most cases its more than that and they work weekends too (makes you want to ridicule ppl who argue about life after death. These ppl don’t seem to have one before death!). Anyways, the point is they come out to the world during an odd weekend and suddenly realize they are in a rush to spend. Not only do they end up overpaying for things they don’t even need, but make it a point to act cool about it!! How is it cool to be made a fool?! And their foolishness is going to affect the next tier of consumers who look up the daily price watch and offers before they even set out to shop.

I know I’m kind of generalizing, but this is the true scenario everywhere. How did we make the autowalas and grocery shop owners feel, we won’t ask back for the change? How did we make the B2C sector come up with products that serve no useful purpose and still make us want them?! Beats me.

But somehow after the thought process I decided I’d do my part and not give away money carelessly. As I was feeling a bit good about myself, I got a call from my before mentioned friend. The conversation was something like this

“Abey sorry bey. Boora mat maan,k? “

“Arey.. No Problem re. I understand. Koi baat nahi”

“Ok, Cool. Waise, you remember you owe me Rs 25 for the auto that we shared the other day? Just thought will remind you. Good night. Sweet Dreams”

“…....”

Sure enough, the first thing I did was to put a cell phone reminder for the 25 Rs. Who wants to be damaged by someone who knows too many words!?

Note to friend: Sorry yaar. Couldn’t resist a few exaggerations :D

Palio - a short story

Note: The following is something i wrote long back when i wanted to explore story writing as a means of expression.

Palio saw his reflection in the mirror. Somehow he was looking at a stranger. In a shiny flowing robe with heavy chains round his neck he was the perfect showman. He had been born for this Usdo used to say. Some people can make a difference to your life, but there are very few who make your life. Palio was who he was because of Usdo.

In his nomadic days with the gypsies, Usdo had adopted Palio, after his dad died in a ‘freak’ accident, as the civilized put it. Well he didn’t see how it was ‘freak’ to fall from the high wire onto the ground fifty feet below when you were totally stoned. But after this Usdo was everything to him. Usdo made him his protégée and taught him everything he knew. Palio was eager to learn and it wasn’t too long before he bettered his mentor. But he was too quite to be a gypsy was the opinion in the camp and some even spoke to him in sign language to prod if he was mute. That never used to bother him because the shell he wore was out of choice. He believed nothing could penetrate his shell. So he ran from the Gypsies on his fifteenth birthday with Usdo’s blessings. “Make your own sky to fly. Your own peaks to scale” he had said.

“Palio!! Are u even listening to me??” demanded a voice that brought him out of his reverie. “Off to your thoughts again? Start living in reality dear!” Amanda. He gave her a second of attention despite the fact that she just hurt his male ego. He wasn’t a sexist but still he preferred not to be told how to live his life even by his wife. “Too bad today will be the last performance in this city” she mumbled. “Yes it is” Palio replied in a non committal dreamy tone.

It was love at first sight. Or so she said. After he joined the Big Circus, he still took pride in his shell. He never spoke unless essential and it was essential for him to find an ‘assistant’ so he can earn more. He felt it was comical that they were called that. Amanda walked in through the tent, a slender tall lasse, answering to the ad in paper. Just the sight of her made him lose his tongue or whatever was left of it. He’d never seen someone as beautiful and it scared him. He remembered trying to explain her work without making eye contact, for the fear he might forget. He somehow felt her glance all over him. ‘Am I looking alright?’, ‘Maybe I should have worn my suit’, ‘Has she left?’ such thoughts kept cropping up amidst his palpitations. When he raised his eyes to meet hers she was smiling at him. She explained she had done this before and so she knew this all and he managed a ‘oh’ wishing for the earth to open and swallow him. They held the eye contact without uttering a word but still conversing a million thoughts and in a week they got married and he relaxed his shell a bit. He even allowed himself an occasional laugh and spoke words that weren’t essential! To him that was an achievement. The next five years he slowly moved from the fill-in to the star attraction and Amanda was there by him, for him, with him. The tours took them across many a cities and villages and watered by the alienity of the towns their love brought them closer and rooted on faith and belief.

His thoughts suffocated him and he felt the need for a smoke. He lit his cigar and walked towards his ‘tools’. They always made him feel confident. They smiled at him and he always felt they longed for his touch. A feeling that comes from years of bonding. He had refused to get new ones because he felt it would be betrayal to abandon his faithful tools. He even had names for each and his favourite was Seda- Usdo’s first knife. He ran his hands over them and felt their sharp edges coming to life on his touch. To him they meant more than his means of bread. His friends. His talisman for the love he had for Amanda. The proof of the trust she had on him.

When he started out with juggling the knives at the circus, he was disappointed. Usdo had prepared him for more. He could sever the fruit from the tree and cut it to four before it could even strike the ground! He could hit a bulls eye on a moving truck immaterial of the speed. His knives never failed him. And he never failed them. He had needed an ‘assistant’ who would trust him and do as he said to awe the audience, to become the showman he wanted to become. But in times when you can’t even trust your shadow this was next to impossible till Amanda came. She trusted him completely, a trust that could only come from blind love. He could hit the bulls-eye blindfold while she moved rhythmically with his target. She could make graceful movements while he threw the knives outlining her on the piece of wood! Such was the trust and understanding between the three – Him, Amanda and the knives. When on the move he preferred to caress his knives, talking to them like they were his kids, while Amanda slept. Kids – They tried in earnest. Somehow they were not blessed. He didn’t seem to care but was aware of his wife’s anxiety. She was ten years older than him and had the nature’s deadlines to worry about. He had tried to be understanding but somehow he ended up getting frustrated. He cared. But he was helpless.

As a drop of tear began to blur his vision he wiped his eyes and went to the tent and peeked out towards the audience. There he was. Seated in his usual first row was Nathan Lamborgi. Palio despised everything about him

It had been the second show in this particular town. An entire school had come to the circus as part of their school trip. Children have been the perfect audience. They were always ready to be enthralled. To be awed. To be entertained. Unfortunately it was too much for Amanda. She was distracted all through the performance and during the blindfold act a knife had scraped her leg. Palio heard the sound of horror that was different from the usual awe. Amanda did her best not to react but the pain showed. Once back in the dressing room the disappointment preceded concern and Palio couldn’t hide his frustration. People had blamed him saying he was losing his touch. And when Amanda started sobbing about the kids Palio lost it. “If that is all the trust u have in my virility why don’t you leave!?” he had screamed and stormed out of the room leaving her crying profusely. Nathan Lamborgi the Board president of the local club had sought a backstage audience that night and a fuming Palio walking past him had left him in two minds whether to enter or not. He had entered to express his concern for Amanda and ended up holding together her fragile and vulnerable self. He was smart, sensitive and understanding and the right person to be there to hold her from falling apart. When Palio came to his senses and returned to comfort her he found his Amanda holding hands with a stranger. He had left without a word. The next day before the show he had received an invitation for dinner from Nathan that he tore into the maximum number of pieces possible. After the show Nathan had approached again and to him it seemed Amanda was eager to go. “Come on Palio. Its an honor to be invited by such a respected gentleman.” He went along and was silent all through the dinner while Nathan went about making her laugh with stories playing the perfect host. That night after they returned Palio apologized to Amanda and told her he didn’t want to go out again. She seemed to understand and assured him they won’t need to go again. Before every show she would receive flowers that seemed to bring a smile on her face and a frown on his. The harder he tried to find solace in his shell the more suffocated he felt. He kept blaming himself and it had its effect on his performance. He transformed his misery into meaningless anger at himself and the world in general. Make your own skies. He had tried and ended up with an illusion of greatness with clouds of doubt decorating his blues.

“You’re on next Palio” announced a dwarf. Palio slowly walked back to his room and saw the flowers with a card “Love Nathan”. He walked to his knives and saw them smiling at him. He smiled at them and went to the mirror to touch up. He again saw the stranger in the mirror. “All set to go dear?” Amanda helped him into his coat and held his hands in hers the way she did before every performance. Somehow the warmth was absent today. “You all right Palio?” echoed the concern in her voice. He managed to smile “Absolutely”. She knew with that something was definitely not right. When people are bonded together more is conveyed with the words that weren’t said. “What is bothering you?” He couldn’t maintain eye contact and when he was looking for a way out “You’re on in a min” announced someone. He hastily tried to break from her. She squeezed a bit longer and uttered “I love you Palio” before she let go. She went onto the stage leaving behind a tear drop in his hands.

When Palio entered he was greeted with heavy applause, something he was used to but somehow his feet seemed to hesitate. He took one glance towards Nathan whose eyes were fixed on Amanda and he wished looks could kill. And then he imagined he saw Amanda returning his smile. He looked away and noticed two young kids sharing some joke with their mom and somehow he felt they were laughing at him. He closed his eyes and felt a trickle of tear on his cheeks. Wiping it away gave a wide smile to his blinding lights. He was ready for The show. He didn’t focus much on his warm up tricks which he could do in his sleep. Has his world approached Armageddon, he wondered? The crowd was cheering with renewed enthusiasm.

Amanda was positioning herself next to the big board and gave a broad smile to the audience. She positioned the melon right below her chest where it was supposed to be. Palio bowed to the crowd and reached for his knives. He took one look at Nathan now talking with someone with his eyes still fixed on Amanda. His Amanda. He closed his eyes and met her eyes. She was smiling but soon it faded. She knew. Now her eyes were pleading with horror and disbelief and with eyes welling up Palio lipped “I Love you” and threw the knife. Straight at her heart. There was gasp and a second of Stunned silence before anyone could react. Then people were running towards Amanda. A kid’s shrieking was the last thing he heard as he fell to the ground unclenching his favorite knife – Seda.

Jodhaa Akbar

I wanted to watch Jodhaa Akbar for a long time and then I got my wish, literally – I watched the movie for a loooong time! After surprising myself with efforts on my part to book tickets in advance for almost the entire lot for a weekday night show(fiscal benefits), little did I imagine it would be a night-early morning show. But ya with the reviews highly polarized, I wouldn’t say I was too disappointed or happy about it.

First, when I say I know Hindi, I mean I can understand and converse if the southie accent is tolerated (and know enough so as to not to express my awe at the enormity of shopping malls with a “Kya mall hai!!”) But I’d be damned for thinking I was going to a hindi movie! (someone told me few of the dialogues were Urdu, Phew) . It was Antennas class all over again and when faced with such a situation we (ya I include a few of the puritan Hindi speaking people in the hall too) did the most natural thing one can do – grin stupidly. Anytime there was a long stretch of dialogue, we ended up lolin in the hall ignoring the nasty looks of one or two people who were actually trying to understand every word. (Yes I got the gist and meaning of it all, Thank you)

And by God, I couldn’t control laughing at the Khwaja song! The song in my opinion has been the song of the year so far, absolute brilliance of the maestro evident in the instruments and the mixing. The rendition is so superb that I have no words to describe the genius! But the video, well, its quite another thing. The expression of the co-singers when one of them is singing or how 4 different people can sing in the same voice or how they suddenly start advertising for mortein or tortoise by swatting from side to side or how every time the guy goes into high pitch they show the women crying! And making Hritik dance was the last straw. Comeon, we know he’s a good dancer but he doesn’t need to dance in every movie!!

On the plusses in the movie, the chemistry between the lead pair was good.(the physics wasn’t bad either) They have quite loyally stuck to showing it as a romantic movie without trying to focus too much into the conquests of Akbar. The battle scenes were decent and the background score amazing. The camera work was good and managed to capture the picturesque landscapes and palaces.

As if making up for the Khwaja song the title track was choreographed beautifully. The costumes and jewellery befit a period film and has been paid great attention to. And though I’m not a great fan of Aishwarya or Hritik, they’ve done a good job.

When I walked out of the theatre at 2.30 in the night with just the thought of when I’ll go home to my bed , I wasn’t by any chance judging the movie (Happy ending. Everyone was happy when it ended) But on hind sight, it’s a commendable effort amidst the mediocre masala films and might even be worthy of the hype given. So I would recommend, you watch it once cos such movies are not made on everyday basis.

And with that recommendation here’s a nice thought that I thoroughly enjoyed.
“Never go to bed angry.
Stay up and plot your revenge.”

Adios

PS:When i reread, I realised i use long sentences. Well, What do i say? Just thank God i'm not a judge :)

Terms of Endearment

It hates me.

I know, not the kind of post one would expect on a day of false cheerfulness, unsaid expectations, uncomfortable silences and of course a very thinning wallet. Since none of them concern me and I’m of the opinion only murders are to be committed, not a 22 year old (of course those grapes are sour), let me come back to the issue at hand. The ‘it’ in context is my office comp.

Like kids from most middle class families in the 90s down south, I grew up watching serials on Doordarshan during the most impressionable stages of growing up. One of the characters that used to amuse me was the shape embedded in cosmos from Mahabharath which goes like “Main (long pause) Samay (long pause) Hoon” till the next break. I used to wonder can anything be more slower than this, till I saw the dialogue delivery in junoon.

Now you must see my computer here and you’ll see why I got reminded of these. Of course my comp in accordance with the new technologies exhibits ultra slow motion, bullet-time, freeze frame and many such amazing technologies that it has no business incorporating and not when I am using it!

Of course the relation I share with my compiler is something so special, especially just before major releases of my tool.(by that I mean product, don’t skew it) It reminds me of those old bollywood movie scenes between the ‘gaon ki gori’ and ‘shehari babu’. Just when the ‘shehari babu’ puts in all his efforts and thinks he’s gonna get somewhere with ‘gaon ki gori’, she gets up abruptly and delivers dialogue on sanskar and parampara in a shrill voice looking at the ground and exits leaving the guy baffled. Well almost similar here, only all I expect is some output and all I get is highlighted exceptions! (Most time it works the 2nd time without me having to change anything)

And though I know, I demand a lot with 14 windows open at any given point of time (12 of which are blogs/cartoons), I feel sometimes it does things just to piss me off. Just the other day it shut down all the open windows and demanded to be restarted or will go and complain to Microsoft. And worse still, it hides my folders when I want it (I’m serious) and doesn’t allow me to connect to other systems and asks me to go to hell (contact network administrator). There are times when it makes the electronics engineer in me wants to rip its circuitry apart, capacitor for capacitor, till the silicon in its diodes hurts. Of course the fact that the IS team will render me penniless (paisa less in the Indian context) if I do that, keeps me in check.

My comp at home also used to conspire against me and keep disconnecting me from the net whenever I’m chatting with a girl after ten in the night or shutting down on its own when I’m playing games before my exams. I strongly suspected my mom’s hand in this and wondered how she could have done that for a long time till I met my office comp. Now I kind of resigned to the fact that Its just my luck. And I’m gonna put up with its every mood swing in the hope this experience will help me someday in the near future. And yes for all those who sympathized with the computer (yes, I mean you two), ya I will try to understand its perspective and will love it not despite its flaws but along with its flaws. (from a forward that made as much sense as Raj Thackrey’s ideology)

These are afterall the terms and conditions of the long association of endearment. So while I learn to try to be more understanding and keep my psycho-cyber tendencies under check, for all those people who believe in winged fat kids shooting arrows here’s a quote to mull over.

“The difference between ‘involvement’ and ‘commitment’ is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast. The hen was involved and the pig was committed” – Anonymous

Happy Valentines Day!

Just another post

I’ve been hearing a lot of “You know sometimes I feel I can happily murder you?” lately. I can right now imagine the reactions of 5 different people who when they read would give a jump and go like “Don’t tell me, he’s written about THAT here!!”

No I’m not taking any credit for bringing the psycho social tendencies cos what followed that statement was either smileys or grins that usually conveyed the fact that they were actually happy about “THAT”.[:D] In other words they were just kidding. Now I know at least 5 other people who would go like “Damn!” and give out a shake of their head and later reiterate the fact that I’m jobless.

The conclusion one might draw from the above passage other than the obvious that some wish I were imaginary is that I have confidence in the fact that I know the people around me. One of my orkut testimonials read “He thinks he’s figured the human race” (followed by heavy sarcasm that I choose to omit). Well I don’t think that high but I’m of the opinion everyone’s an open book if you know to read between the lines. That would kind of explain my let-me-tell-you-about-you sessions after 4-5 meetings (if you haven’t got one that means I have an opinion on how you will react). Of course the “You are right” or the “Mostly right” I receive at the end of such sessions doesn’t do much to discourage me from this bad habit.

I choose to call it a bad habit cos it doesn’t do me much of good. I end up assuming most stuff, that I’m sure is right, but never take the necessary steps to be surprised. Very similar to people who play the entire game of chess verbally before making a simple move and end up frustrating the entire lot. Thankfully in my case I don’t put it verbally too often. Of course I have been wrong and am sure will be in most cases, but there’s nothing to learn here cause as Michael Crichton says “Even an educated guess is just a guess”

But still I was surprised last weekend when I got in contact with one of my friends. She was telling me how wretched her life has become by stating as reasons incidents and characters that you meet in almost everyday life! So I thought I should tell her she is not facing any problem and its common place so she might feel better. I did so and got it back nicely on how rude I was and she wasn’t looking to be comforted. What stunned me most was when she said “You are not like what you were before”.

Which made me wonder, what was I before! Being a “party focal” for my team, which includes arranging birthday parties and making others pay for treats for some arbit reason, talking is something I have to do to avoid a party where everyone is all aloof and eat and go. Most of the times I find I’m the only one talking , cracking the most pathetic PJs/wit as one sees it and make the birthday baby state what was mentioned in the first para of this blog. So when I said, “In my college days, some people thought I was a really silent person” they said the only two positive words that can be a negative – “Ya right!”.

Incidentally, it is true. You can ask one of my juniors who said the same about me in public (and regretted it the next 2 years cursing and swearing the day she said I was silent and ‘paavam’ type). So looking back I guess somewhere down the line I had become silent or given people the impression. Where I had limited my retorts to a select set of people who kind of knew who I was. Where I was there to understand problems even without expressing and put people at ease.

But like the Canara bank makeover tag says ‘We change for the ones we love' and in my case the next line that comes to my mind is from HHGTG “If there’s anything more important than my ego, I want it caught and shot now!” :)

I kind of realized so far down that the starting and ending of this blog doesn’t have much relevance. But what the hell. To conclude the first topic, it doesn’t matter if I’m wrong, I still will go about being the same. And for the second topic, as I always believe everything happens for a reason.

Will post something that makes more sense soon.

Columbus did not need directions and neither do i!

Scene 1: (Some 2 years ago)

“Gary! Look!! 8 ‘o Clock!!”

The excitement in the voice being infectious, I took my best guess and found what could be better left described as “thing” and with a shake of my head conveyed “Bad Taste!! Cha! I feel sorry for you.. Tch”

Obviously a very frustrated friend of mine muttered between grinding teeth “That was 4 ‘O CLOCK!!”

And then I tried to salvage some pride by reasoning ”You never mentioned whether it was your 8 or mine!! How would I know..” By this time my brain caught up with my tongue the damage was done and while it admonished the tongue, put on a silly expression to display.

(for those of you who didn’t get the reason for the silly look, he was sitting in front of me and so 8’O clock his or mine, will never make a 4.. Welcome to the club :D)

Word spreads and soon after, I began to be tested by some really jobless creatures (for want of better term) put on this world, on which direction I’m facing and stating stuff like why one shouldn’t be brought up on digital watches!!

Scene 2: (a month back)

My roomies were performing an online airline reservation and I happened to be there lazing around. This was their conversation.

“Hey which seat do I take?”

“Wait. The flight is headed north east during the day which means the sun will be to the east side that would mean on your left. So a right window seat must be perfect. Had it been going west..”

Following a silence I look up to find both my roomies giving each other knowing looks and before the realization sunk in, this is what happened:

“Gary.. “ said both together and one started laughing holding his stomach and the other was rolling on the floor laughing.

First up, I’m not directionally dyslexic (if even that condition exists). I can read a map with the legend and the knowledge of the fact that west Bengal lies to east of India. Other than that, I’ve never had the need to know what direction I’m facing or in which direction I should head to reach a place (I can always ask and well, Magellon did prove the fact that earth is spherical). So whenever someone goes into the serious tone and says “You should not lack direction in your life”, I end up grinning.

Now the clock, I can read time and that serves my purpose. I can’t see myself flying a Mig anytime in the near future to be given directions in O’Clock. I’m not even interested in the simulator games!! Of course I can interpret but just that I take my own sweet time to decipher. So if you want me to get to look at some thing, in time, don’t use time. I can always get the broad picture (pun intended)

So the next time someone is going to say “Look! 20* north of west at an azimuth of 40*!!” I’ll possible yawn and say “Shut up”. I’m never THAT curious. [:D] I simply don’t care J

PS: The heading, I realized Columbus probably used all the compasses and stuff to head in the direction he did. So stop analyzing it too much :D

Overstating the underplayed (whatever that means!!)

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Marianne Williamson
Used by Nelson Mandela in his speech in 1994

When our MD quoted this at the end of his New Year pep talk, my first remark was “Oh!! That explains!!” To the bewildered people around me, I just offered the silly grin that has become characteristic with my PJs. It did kind of explain why people who score 45+ out of 50 in exams came out of the hall saying they are going to flunk (and then treat people fudges [;)]) or why my colleague and good friend claims she’s going to be torn apart in the appraisal while all she works is 18 hours a day (Damn, I should have got the video of her saying that!!). But since even I’ve been accused on the first charge and it is not just about the marks or the appraisal and somewhere in between modesty and humility gets smudged, I think the quote deserves much more thought.

Leave out God from the above quote to make it generic. Whenever any us feel good about ourselves we like to nurture the warm glow within our hearts. Is it the fear of letting it radiate and mutate into burning in someone else’s stomach? Or the constant weight of negative thoughts that ask us what if it doesn’t work that way? The rationale we like to offer to defend. The sure shot way to disprove is let someone else say the same about you. And your ego asks a hundred questions on the rights or the qualifications of the accuser to belittle you.

But does that mean we are to go around counting our chickens before the rooster even meets the hen? That we let people in on our own insecurities or doubts on what if we fail? That humility and modesty are unwarranted luxuries that serve only to anger the onlookers to whom your happiness is stark naked? I think the quote talks of all these between the lines.

Everyone has his or her own inhibitions and doubts to cope with. And at such times a lot of negative thoughts cloud the mind and makes us believe we are not capable and not just that, noone can! When at such a juncture, someone says it can be done and has been done and it brings in immense happiness, those who are on the verge of giving up will reconsider. Forget the disbelief or ridicule, but the ego retorts, if he can do it, so can I. There is no point in underplaying one’s achievements if by that you can instill in others a willingness to exert them towards excellence. Apparently this is what happens behind the scenes of the envy and acrid remarks the “modest” face. By being modest they are denying to let them be benchmarked for others to look up to. For others to try to succeed. For others to compete with. For others to taste glory.

I guess too heavy a philosophy, but the thought is lovely. The irony that everyone is identical in the fact that they want to be deemed unique.

What can be done? How would i know!! Its your life!! I muse, not preach.

Anyways, that is a quote cut out for these pep talks. Of course my MD would be horrified at how someone could go entirely off the target in grasping what he meant and go on to write a blog!! Tough luck Sir, that’s life, the answer to which is 14 (42 = life, the universe and everything ;) )*

Let me get back to watching the hopeless movies on Tv and drown India’s defeat by swearing at the umpires before I start one more week trying to do something to justify my salary.

Have a great week ahead!!

* The PJ was the brainchild (??) of my apartment mate. Since our company advocates reuse, I’ve shamelessly used it where there was no need. Just my way of appreciation [:P]