First Born Syndrome

Scene 1: Sometime in 2002 in the evening classroom of Satyamurthy school in T-Nagar, voice of Prof. Govindarajan “When the parents first have a baby, they are not used to holding a new born. So they tend to be careless, u know drop it a couple of times, bang its head against the wall and all. That is why the first borns are… you know.. not very normal. The 2nd time they are experienced and so… The point is the first element of the periodic table is different from the rest in its group..”


Scene 2: Sunday afternoon in 2008 at T2 Sarvabhouma Nagar with roomies, Cheese Burst Pizza and the laptop playing ‘Sorry Bhai’ movie. “Shit! Just realized we are all first borns here man! How can he do that?? That too when its Chitrangada Singh!!” “You never know dude! And this guy Sanjay Suri has to give up just cos he is an elder brother! Its almost like if you are first born you have to be the sacrificing one! How unfair is that!” “ROFL.. Don’t worry too much. If you don’t land Chitrangada, it won’t be cos you are first born but cos you are you :P “ “*sociological and anatomical references*”

I guess you get the gist of the blog. No, no not the tongue-in-cheek one – the other one. Something is different if you are first born which is strangely not the case if you are an only child. I know the younger ones have a story of their own, but this is a general guide to thinking like a First Born.

I’m elder and so I must be grownup

When you are a kid and your parents attend to this new born trying to sell you the concept of sibling, you realize if you can’t beat them you might as well join them. Plus when you still do not know what a pain being a grown up is, you are in a hurry to be treated as an adult.

And so, you start with the typical acting grown up. “Fetch the ball from the drain since you are the youngest”, “Go study! Let me play roadrash” “No, you cannot watch Titanic! It has scenes that are unsuitable for you”. The end result is that, you start enjoying the ‘responsibility’ and hence you stop acting your age.

I know what you did last summer, cos I did it the summer before

This is the pain part. The first borns have been there before their siblings and hence they watch for symptoms that tell them it has happened. ‘Clear History’ and ‘1Rs Pepsi’ – typical example. Combined with the ‘responsible’ tag they are either caring or walking lie detectors.

They are very careful to cover the tracks, leave no incriminating evidence (or so they think) and this shall slowly turn to ‘cautious in everything’. Like the supreme court that sits on cases for years where there is no precedence, decision making is slower. (no, no, stop guessing where this is headed)

Sterotyping the Bhaiya

I don't know if it was intentional but religion and popular literature has also played a part in stereotyping the first born. As I had tweeted sometime ago, take the stories – Yudhishtir Vs Arjun, Balaram Vs Krishna, Rama Vs Lakshmana, Ganesha Vs Muruga, Frank Hardy Vs Joe Hardy, Yashraj Movies (Vijayakanth’s too) for God’s sake! And so fed with years of stereotyping there is a common theme no? I hope not. They might neither be as virtuous nor as boring – just slightly better at managing their image! Also slightly clueless about the ‘latest’ technology. (On diet so staying away from food – Gingerbread, ICS and all)

Maybe single children have room for making mistakes and the younger siblings have shadow they learn to be comfortable with. Just that if you are a first born – *understanding nod*. We are doing a great job! Here's to us!

Made Up People

When a blog title is sufficiently vague, its like abstract GD and I was for some odd reason a big fan of them. I guess it was because it let me drift off without having to explain myself, at the same time making me seem pseudo intellectual, until I crack the next PJ atleast. This blog - I have a 3 point interpretation. (reminded me of a professor of ours :P )


The first point is cosmetic. I’m fast approaching the realm where I’m expected to compliment people on their appearance and be nice and not notice the excesses. I did say people. The last week I had gone shopping with a couple of friends of mine and this guy ahead of us in the line was taking an entire boutique of cosmetics that would make him unrecognizable! No, I’m not the why-make-up guy, but I’m saying exercise caution. Everybody wants to be presentable but not to the extent where others sense you are not who you appear to be, No? Also dawned on me that when the fairer sex asks you ‘Is this alright?, it is a disguised ‘How do I look?’ and so don’t point out. (Mental note to get facewash and cold cream before I go to Delhi this time)

The second point is imaginary. As a fan of good fiction, I’m slowly realizing we are more and more aware of the ‘what’ than the who and why. As I read on a forum we ask ‘What happened next?’ which might not be the point of the narrative at all. Sample this – we all know the crow and fox story, but what if we hear the crow’s version of what made him steal and how it felt to feel so stupid? What of the fox’s version who decided to outwit a thief by palying to his pride? It takes away the fun I know, but somewhere we project our own prejudices and value judgments on the characters. (Thank you Julian Barnes).

I’ve maintained that authors like Chetan Bhagat (ya, I made a face) explain a character that you might instantly relate to and hence are lazy enough to pick your mind. They move the story by what happens to them and by reference to you. A good author gives you a character that is an outline, evolves it with time and although you have no idea who he/she is makes you understand why they react in that way – make you see their way. I like gray. So move over Heroes, confused/guilty/conflicted protagonist are more fun (ironically cos you know you are not perfect either).
The third interpretation is resolve. Although tempted to use jargons like mental models, I won’t. Anyone holds on to their views/opinions unless there is a compulsive reason for them to change. Now, some of us more so than others. You might ask ‘SO?’ but then I don’t really have an answer. Just thinking aloud, wondering if it is not our endeavor to connect with similar/win over others/ignore the diffent that has been the thrust to move civilizations– religion, culture, colonies, love, mobs, wars…

That was me drifting off. At the end of the day, reality is much simpler no?. In fact caveman style – Get up, care, work, live, enjoy, love, eat, sleep, get bored, emote..

[Revisit point 2 in this context?]

Old Benedryl in New Bottle

For the last 4-5 years, this has been the time. You know, where I introspect, prioritize, re-strategize and do pretty much the same thing I’ve been doing forever in life. I guess the last year was something I’m thankful for, so I know what to look forward to in this year (what with doomsday prediction and all) Just thinking aloud, writing down later and posting it mid month.

2011 saw the average Indian becoming slightly above average. Health conscious people moved on from diets to fasting resulting in lowering of food inflation. Media covered scandals, commented on scandals and when nothing happened created their own scandals and roped in some big shots for good measure. From Hollywood stars making guest appearance in our movies, our Err.. actors made appearances in Hollywood movies. There was a general feel good for Indians at the fact that we have complained or cribbed rather than accepting. Since we are developing country (for the last 65 years) which is on the verge of becoming a superpower (for last 8 years), I’m not gonna bother about the rest of the world.

All of a sudden someone might point out, “hey wait a minute, isn’t that similar to what happened the year before as well?” Smart you are! There are many milestones as such but if you pay attention, life is pretty much the mundane repetitive cycle of events with varying players and circumstances. If you are a math person – Integration by parts if you please..I see a lot of impatience in and around me and sometimes quest for milestones makes us lose focus on the day to day mundane.

Without getting all philosophical, 2011 was a decent year for me. Professionally I’m in a career where I love what I do (ideally should hold good personally too [whistles to distract] ). I’ve fulfilled my responsibilities with a bit of arrogance and a lot of hard work. Realized being content and positive doesn’t mean less ambitious. Enjoyed myself on the social network and gave in to the new age primal instinct of tweeting. And pretty much enjoyed the journey through uneven roads without getting too bogged down. So I would like to continue doing these parts in 2012.

Coincidentally enough my personal life followed pretty much the fortunes of the Indian cricket team. Started the year a bit tentatively, reached the peak in March, April, Forgettable mid year, got back a bit of form in the last quarter and finishing a tad furtive. Hopefully 2012 doesn’t go that way (what with crushing Sydney and Perth tests). Blogging suffered and so did my reading. To use my ECE parlance my ‘Form Factor’ left a lot to be desired. Hope to set things right

I guess at the end of day [cliche1], [cliche 2], . Blah. [title explanation]

Thank God I'm me.
God Bless All.

Cities – Relatively speaking

Ok! This was news to me that there is a pissing contest between Mumbai and Delhi as to which is the better/worse city. So when I had met up my friends in Delhi and casually mentioned ‘its not like in Mumbai..’, I set in motion the most animated discussion that is second only to Arnab Goswami on Times Now.  When put under the lime light for comments, I dug deep into my repertoire of GD skills and offered “Well, I think we need to define a framework as to what we mean by better..” As expected, I was ignored for the rest of the evening.

In reality, I feel the city works for you if there is a connection between who you are and what the people of the city believe in. In times when people are seeking out McD and PVR in every city (and ‘taken for a ride’ by the respective autowalas and taxiwalas), this vibe you can feel only after staying in a city and interacting with the actual localites. (So, all you Bangalore guys and girls in Electronics City don’t qualify).

I guess cities are more like relatives, friends and acquaintances. So like people they can be stereotyped and made fun of. This is according to me – the 5 cities I can comment about. 

Delhi: Delhi is that HDFC grand dad – ‘na sar jhuka hai kabhi’ types. Got that determined pride about it. Filled with monuments and tombstones (heritage), it assumes the head of the family role. Shows off richness like royalty. Can be preachy, can entertain you with stories (not to mention really pretty granddaughters.. ahem) Gets a bit boring at times. People in this city live life the way they want and with pride.

Mumbai: Mumbai is like that wild outgoing girl you try to ask for a dance at a party. Wild, colorful and pretty friendly with everyone, she is the one you have a crush on. Seems fun at first sight but then you slowly realize she will continue to party without ever attaching a bit of warmth towards you. Doesn’t expect anything from you and you better not expect either. People in the city carry dreams and are happy in their silos.

Chennai: Chennai was easy – strict and a bit ill tempered dad. People outside can’t understand why you love the place. It punishes you with the heat and humidity, admonishes you (judgemental) but will love the family. This means if you are an outsider, your acceptance is not a given. Can tell you stories that ‘build character’ like Calvin’s Dad but will expect you to get its approval.  People in this city look to fit in however different their ideas.

Bengaluru – Bengaluru is like your neighbor. Hi, bye and the occasional get together apart, they leave you to yourself. Sometimes nosy, but mostly cordial. Well maintained lawns (what with the gardens), loud music at times, problem with pets (number of street dog chases) and of course the neighbor’s daughter(s) ;) People in this city move about their lives with minimum fuss.

Shillong – Your lazy roommate. The guy who suggests to switch off the lights at 10 and wake up at noon, tells you to chill when you are upset about something and always game for a lazy chat. People in this city are just too content with life. 

Now it wouldn’t exactly be fair to compare which is better. Maybe which you like the most can be a valid question. In my opinion “it depends on what various factors and is also a function of tim... Hey! Wait! I’m speaking here! Hulooo…”

Been a while since my last post -> All is well.  Whatever I had to say I seem to have conveyed in 140 chars these days. Adios. (On Twitter: girish_k)

In Memory

Memories have a crazy and almost sad way of surfacing. Last Sunday, I remembered, downloaded and revisited a chapter from my CBSE class XI book called “God Is Near” (Chapter 12 of “It Shouldn’t happen to a Vet” by James Herriot). I now realize you can’t find closure in books for the loss of such a loved/loving pet.

Binny who became an integral part of our family put up a fight to stay alive and finally gave up on Thursday. I reached today morning to my home filled with his absence. And it doesn’t quite feel the same. In his short span of 2.5 years he has managed to bring so much joy and smile to us that with time I would be able to only remember such beautiful memories. Now is a different scenario.

I would miss him dearly and that is an understatement. We all would. He is irreplaceable when it comes to his antics, his intelligence and unconditional devotion and love. This is in loving memory of such a great friend and almost a family member.

"They say animals have no souls."

"Who says."

"Oh, I've read it and I know a lot of religious people believe it."

"Well I don't believe it." I patted the hand which still grasped mine. "If having a soul means being able to feel love and loyalty and gratitude, then animals are better off than a lot of humans. You've nothing to worry about there."

"Oh, I hope you're right. Sometimes I lie at night thinking about it."

"I know I'm right, Miss Stubbs, and don't you argue with me. They teach us vets all about animals' souls."

 From It  Shouldn't Happen to a Vet

Hell he even managed to get a mention in most of my blogs since his arrival. I guess a ‘dog’s life’ is  desirable after all :(