Columbus did not need directions and neither do i!

Scene 1: (Some 2 years ago)

“Gary! Look!! 8 ‘o Clock!!”

The excitement in the voice being infectious, I took my best guess and found what could be better left described as “thing” and with a shake of my head conveyed “Bad Taste!! Cha! I feel sorry for you.. Tch”

Obviously a very frustrated friend of mine muttered between grinding teeth “That was 4 ‘O CLOCK!!”

And then I tried to salvage some pride by reasoning ”You never mentioned whether it was your 8 or mine!! How would I know..” By this time my brain caught up with my tongue the damage was done and while it admonished the tongue, put on a silly expression to display.

(for those of you who didn’t get the reason for the silly look, he was sitting in front of me and so 8’O clock his or mine, will never make a 4.. Welcome to the club :D)

Word spreads and soon after, I began to be tested by some really jobless creatures (for want of better term) put on this world, on which direction I’m facing and stating stuff like why one shouldn’t be brought up on digital watches!!

Scene 2: (a month back)

My roomies were performing an online airline reservation and I happened to be there lazing around. This was their conversation.

“Hey which seat do I take?”

“Wait. The flight is headed north east during the day which means the sun will be to the east side that would mean on your left. So a right window seat must be perfect. Had it been going west..”

Following a silence I look up to find both my roomies giving each other knowing looks and before the realization sunk in, this is what happened:

“Gary.. “ said both together and one started laughing holding his stomach and the other was rolling on the floor laughing.

First up, I’m not directionally dyslexic (if even that condition exists). I can read a map with the legend and the knowledge of the fact that west Bengal lies to east of India. Other than that, I’ve never had the need to know what direction I’m facing or in which direction I should head to reach a place (I can always ask and well, Magellon did prove the fact that earth is spherical). So whenever someone goes into the serious tone and says “You should not lack direction in your life”, I end up grinning.

Now the clock, I can read time and that serves my purpose. I can’t see myself flying a Mig anytime in the near future to be given directions in O’Clock. I’m not even interested in the simulator games!! Of course I can interpret but just that I take my own sweet time to decipher. So if you want me to get to look at some thing, in time, don’t use time. I can always get the broad picture (pun intended)

So the next time someone is going to say “Look! 20* north of west at an azimuth of 40*!!” I’ll possible yawn and say “Shut up”. I’m never THAT curious. [:D] I simply don’t care J

PS: The heading, I realized Columbus probably used all the compasses and stuff to head in the direction he did. So stop analyzing it too much :D

Overstating the underplayed (whatever that means!!)

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Marianne Williamson
Used by Nelson Mandela in his speech in 1994

When our MD quoted this at the end of his New Year pep talk, my first remark was “Oh!! That explains!!” To the bewildered people around me, I just offered the silly grin that has become characteristic with my PJs. It did kind of explain why people who score 45+ out of 50 in exams came out of the hall saying they are going to flunk (and then treat people fudges [;)]) or why my colleague and good friend claims she’s going to be torn apart in the appraisal while all she works is 18 hours a day (Damn, I should have got the video of her saying that!!). But since even I’ve been accused on the first charge and it is not just about the marks or the appraisal and somewhere in between modesty and humility gets smudged, I think the quote deserves much more thought.

Leave out God from the above quote to make it generic. Whenever any us feel good about ourselves we like to nurture the warm glow within our hearts. Is it the fear of letting it radiate and mutate into burning in someone else’s stomach? Or the constant weight of negative thoughts that ask us what if it doesn’t work that way? The rationale we like to offer to defend. The sure shot way to disprove is let someone else say the same about you. And your ego asks a hundred questions on the rights or the qualifications of the accuser to belittle you.

But does that mean we are to go around counting our chickens before the rooster even meets the hen? That we let people in on our own insecurities or doubts on what if we fail? That humility and modesty are unwarranted luxuries that serve only to anger the onlookers to whom your happiness is stark naked? I think the quote talks of all these between the lines.

Everyone has his or her own inhibitions and doubts to cope with. And at such times a lot of negative thoughts cloud the mind and makes us believe we are not capable and not just that, noone can! When at such a juncture, someone says it can be done and has been done and it brings in immense happiness, those who are on the verge of giving up will reconsider. Forget the disbelief or ridicule, but the ego retorts, if he can do it, so can I. There is no point in underplaying one’s achievements if by that you can instill in others a willingness to exert them towards excellence. Apparently this is what happens behind the scenes of the envy and acrid remarks the “modest” face. By being modest they are denying to let them be benchmarked for others to look up to. For others to try to succeed. For others to compete with. For others to taste glory.

I guess too heavy a philosophy, but the thought is lovely. The irony that everyone is identical in the fact that they want to be deemed unique.

What can be done? How would i know!! Its your life!! I muse, not preach.

Anyways, that is a quote cut out for these pep talks. Of course my MD would be horrified at how someone could go entirely off the target in grasping what he meant and go on to write a blog!! Tough luck Sir, that’s life, the answer to which is 14 (42 = life, the universe and everything ;) )*

Let me get back to watching the hopeless movies on Tv and drown India’s defeat by swearing at the umpires before I start one more week trying to do something to justify my salary.

Have a great week ahead!!

* The PJ was the brainchild (??) of my apartment mate. Since our company advocates reuse, I’ve shamelessly used it where there was no need. Just my way of appreciation [:P]

The Year That Was

When you get the same mail a billion times from a billion different sources, it usually means, some stupid forward that has a “if you don’t forward” clause or its new year and people don’t want to be creative and send off the mail that comes to them. So after my outlook express started cribbing about being cramped for space, I decided to clear my inbox, since most of the time not giving the space estranges relationships (I sure don’t want to strain ties with outlook ;) ). Here I’m, resigned to the fact that I won’t be working anymore this year (As if I did before this) and wondering what is all the fuss about a regular calendar event that serves our people an excuse to getting drunk.

It has been not so bad a year. Under Valium I might even say it has been good, though Pluto might disagree being stripped off its planetary status (but ya, as if it gives a damn about some bundle of amino acids on a piece of rock). India won the T20, Bollywood Movies weren’t that bad, a lot of good books published, Cost of living has increased a bit, share market was good, rupee doing great, Indians ruled the global market, global warming was discussed a little less this year and Priyanka Chopra is still single and available :). So for an average Indian citizen it has been a satisfying year.

Of course global issues like Pakistan’s continuing misery and US troops stationed in Iraq, do seem to do what they are meant for, giving people perspective and make India look a lot better.

On a personal front, I’ve got my degree and blended into the corporate sector. Survived one year in Bangalore, the first half trying to save money to survive and the 2nd half trying best not to get robbed by the Government. Did 80% of the stuff on my list of things I won’t even dream of doing (walked ramp, enacted playing drums in a rock band, got down on my knees with flowers!!!). Learnt a few valuable lessons that life taught me in its course. Made a whole load of new friends to bug. On the whole a pretty even road with just the right amount of pit falls to call it part of life.

So I guess I’m looking forward to the new year after all without all the hype and excitement, just trying to outguess what it holds for me. Promises deadlines and more goals to achieve probably. One year from now, I hope I can say the same about 2008 as I did about 2007. Thank you life.

Made some ad hoc plans and have already gotten 2 msgs with anatomical and sociological terminolgies asking me what i'm doing in office still!

Guess new year eve is not so bad after all :)

Happy New Year!!

Sush, Shhhhhh!

Yet another star was made to wish, “eat your words” is more than just an idiom. This time it is none other than Sushmita Sen who is in the eye of the storm with PILs and angry Indian women who are deeply hurt by her remarks on chastity and virginity.

When I read that it was because of an excerpt in Tamil newspaper I couldn’t stop laughing. Being a tamilian, I know for a fact how sensationalistic those magazines and newspapers are. I mean imagine an entire edition that advertises, it describes in graphic detail a gang rape of a small kid over 20 pages, claiming people have the right to know!! Absolutely preposterous! I fear going into conniptions at the very thought.

But that apart, it made me wonder how the judicial system decides to play its role. On it trying to do its duty by punishing people who might have violated their right of speech by monitoring hundreds of dailies and journals everyday!! What with so many pending cases and litigations that plead attention.

When someone as high up in the judiciary, as a judge of a high court, reacts so fervently, it makes you wonder whether there might be some amount of truth to the entire allegations. Lets me try to assess why or how the entire moral fabric will start tearing apart at the seams when an icon expresses her opinion in response to a journalist’s query between questions of her recent AIDS awareness campaign.

How fickle minded do we Indians rate ourselves? How easy is it to influence us? I mean how many of the junta decided to adopt a kid as a single parent after the same celebrity did so? When Sushmita Sen decided to support the HIV +ve widow of her staff (who was HIV +ve) and her two sons, how many of us decided to support atleast the cause? When she pledged to donate her organs, how many of the public did so? How many of us decided to support special children education just because this celebrity did so?

If the answer to the majority of the questions above is any figure in double digits or more, I agree that by her statement she has set a bad example and scores of people will decide to throw away their virginity just because she doesn’t think that concept exist in the current scenario. Because we people have no brains of our own and our moral fiber has to be held in place only by these celebrities and celluloid. And on their failing to reach the public, we need 15 news channels and 100 newspapers to highlight what they said just in case people didn’t pay attention.

When the same situation plagued other celebrities it was equally stupid and all the aforementioned sarcasm and cynicism would apply in their defense too. I mean Richard Gere and Shilpa Shetty kissing was made such a big issue that the fact that it was an event organized to garner support for kids affected by AIDS was totally lost.

It reminds me of Shyamalan’s Sixth Sense where the ghosts see only what they want to see. I guess the media sees only what they can sell. Ironically people haunted by the media seem to be more in number than ghosts.

Its time to take up more sensible issues that need attention. (when I typed that I realized the same could be said about my choice of blog content :) ).I guess all said and done its that point where I try to rationalize what prompted me to write this. Other than to keep my writing streak going or that I’m directing new people to my blog page, I respect Sushmita Sen. Amidst scores of celebrities who offer lip service to social causes (or just lip services on screen) here is someone who goes the whole yard in doing what she believes in.

My personal take: Morals are something every person has to uphold as part of a nation that takes pride in its culture. I completely disagree with Sushmita Sen on what she said being a representative of India on the global arena. But again, everyone is entitled to their own opinions, As long as they don’t try to impose it on others.

Merchandise of the Devil's workshop

Note: Ramblings basically. But the excerpt struck quite a chord and so decided to post it anyway.

“Basically, you can think of a multi-agent environment as something like a chessboard, and the agents like chess pieces. The agents interact on the board to attain a goal, just the way the chess pieces move to win a game. The difference is that nobody is moving the agents. They interact on their own to produce the outcome.

If you design the agents to have memory, they can know things about their environment. They remember where they've been on the board, and what happened there. They can go back to certain places, with certain expectations. Eventually, programmers say the agents have beliefs about their environment, and that they are acting on those beliefs. That's not literally true, of course, but it might as well be true. It looks that way.

But what's interesting is that over time, some agents develop mistaken beliefs. Whether from a motivation conflict, or some other reason, they start acting inappropriately. The environment has changed but they don't seem to know it. They repeat outmoded patterns. Their behaviour no longer reflects the reality of the chessboard. It's as if they're stuck in the past.

In other multi-agent programs, they just get bypassed, pushed to the periphery while the main thrust of agents moves on. Some programs have a "grim reaper" module that sifts them out from time to time, and pulls them off the board.

But the point is, they're stuck in their own past. Sometimes they pull themselves
together, and get back on track. Sometimes they don't!”

Prey - Michael Crichton

When Darwin proclaimed we walked down from the trees, the reactions varied from angry disbelief to stunned awe. He spoke of evolution in terms of vestigial cortex bones and skull structure that people cared so less about that they nothinged it. And then the environmentalists spoke of adaptation that occurs continuously and gave examples of moths that developed pigmentation to escape from the predators. This was greeted with equal indifference. Though these are contexts that span centuries or decades, not concerning us, the people, there are more subtle evolutions that happen in the life cycle of a normal human being imbibing in them the need to change. Some call it maturing, some say it’s the phase of life, I call it more of a desperate measure.

No one likes to change, in any manner unless its almost inevitable. A lot of factors play a part in bringing about even the most simple change in a person. And that is what makes the entire scenario unpredictable cos these factors include the people around you and a small change in them triggers chaos when multiple ‘environments’ are involved. My recent interest in game theory is what made me see the role of the other players in your decisions and actions. Here we are not concerned with just the presence of other agents but also the absence of agents that were present.

I’ve had this habit of trying to extrapolate the observations I make about people to their reaction to different scenarios. The worst part is I used to tell them what was going on in their mind just by the first word they tell me(if I knew they are ready for it). This is because immaterial of the change in environment the basic nature of a person remains the same at least over a frame of time. Now I’ve started holding back my ‘insights’ cos I realised how much I value my own personal space. A decison that comes from often putting yourself into other's shoes a lot (which am not gonna do more often for a) fear of dermatitis b) its just not worth it)

The problem with trying to extrapolate your own behaviour is that either way you lose. You are right, u can’t do anything about it. U are wrong, u don’t know yourself. Its more like a recursive loop without a exit criteria. Once u ask more questions than you need to, u just can’t get out of it, and the system gets hung. The series of events that got me started on this have now gone stale. But the lessons learnt will hopefully be preserved.

This is possibly the most incoherent I’ve been since my antenna paper in my 6th semester. But my new found ego decided to post it anyway. Will be back on track soon(Thank you Mr.Crichton).